Now what...?

It’s raining. I have more time than I have had in a long while, because I am done school! I thought I would be ecstatic, but no. I am quite sad at the thought of the end of my time at Regent. I knew it was coming, but it sure arrived a lot more abruptly than I would have imagined. I did mark it with gelato on Granville Island. There is something to marking the milestones and accomplishments in life, however small some may be.

I think I just need a few days to adjust to being temporarily purposeless. Of course the things I do are not ideally what I wish to derive my identity from, but there is a sense of satisfaction that comes with being part of something bigger than myself. So I have bought some wool/yarn and intend to attempt to crochet a jersey/cardigan for myself. We shall see what comes of that.

In the meantime, I shall look forward to graduation/convocation, bake up a storm in the kitchen, keep looking for a job, and learn how to thrive in simply being. It requires humility and trust, and I shall mine this season for its nuggets.

Some thoughts I am thinking

Waited too long?

 

Sometimes I know I need to do something, but I’ve waited too long, and so to do it now would just be weird after so long. So I don’t. But then when I think of it again, I know it needs to be done, but then it has been even longer. Like apologising or asking forgiveness. Like phoning a friend because we said we’d have tea together sometime. Like writing this blog. I wonder what keeps me from these things… there is no one keeping record. And they are usually really good things and welcomed by others no matter the space in time. Well, I decided to write anyway. My options were not very wide – either do it, or give up on it completely. I wasn’t ready to give up just yet. Here follows a random assortment of thoughts I am thinking.

 

To have a body

I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be human, and particularly what it means to be (not just to have) a body. So much in our time points us away from the boy… perhaps most notably seen in movies like Inception, Avatar, the Matrix… the real people spend their lives sleeping or in some coma-like existence, while the superior them face heroic trials. Or even the whole virtual world. We create an image of ourselves on Facebook that highlights only certain parts of our lives. There is a whole lot in my (western) culture that devalues the body by doing just anything to it or with it, and I mean anything. An ordinary existence is no longer acceptable. Washing the dishes or cleaning up after the dog are considered despicable.

But we do have bodies, and we are ordinary people. Only because you have a body can I touch you, look you in the eyes, experience you with all of my senses. Because we have bodies, I can relate to you, and there is a me and you to relate. We stub our toe and we remember that we are not god. And then we remember that God came as a body. I wonder if Jesus ever stubbed his toe? The very fact that He is a human affirms the value in our bodies. And His suffering gives meaning to ours. It is not for nothing that we suffer. It is not for nothing that we have bodies.

 

To glorify

I learned through a study by Beth Moore that to glorify means to reveal. To glorify God means to reveal God. Psalm 19 says the heavens declare the glory of God… what do they tell us about Him? He is big (that is an understatement), He is creative, He is beautiful, He is powerful, and so much more. We are to do everything for the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31). In acting kindly, waiting patiently, giving generously, trusting faithfully, we are revealing Him! But because of sin we have all fallen short of being able to reveal God (Rom 3:23). Our only hope of being able to reveal God is Christ in us; He is the mystery that has been revealed to us (Col 1:27). God’s glory is revealed to us (He is made known to us), and is revealed through us (we make Him known). How are you glorifying Him or not?

 

Friends

My last thoughts, at least for now, revolve around the topic of friends. I am profoundly grateful for the people in my life I have as friends. (This does not exclude family.) How rich I am to look around me and see the people who love me and whom I love. It is a joy to share all of life with each of them. We will never be fully known in this life. Instead of that scaring me of from even trying to begin, it is an encouragement to dive deeper into friendship, certain that no matter how well I may know someone, they are always capable of surprising me. I think I shall choose to live life in an attitude of openness to surprise, and not only in friendship. It means I always have something to look forward to.

Tunes I Like

Beautiful Things, by Gungor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1spkhp41ig4

Open Up, by The Brilliance

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgdNrppahI4&feature=kp

You are Good to Me, by Audrey Assad

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKosVfAEUPE

 Something Like Scales, by Tom Wuest

http://tomwuest.bandcamp.com/track/something-like-scales

The Doxology, by Jacob Montague

http://jacobmontaguemusic.com/all-creatures-volume-one

Divenire, by Ludovico Einaudi

http://strahanmusic.bandcamp.com/track/posters

Posters, by Strahan

http://strahanmusic.bandcamp.com/track/posters

#OverwhelmingGoodness

So much for planning to write a blog post once a month, it’s been more like once a year! That is largely due to the fact that the year has been so FULL. I feel almost overwhelmed by goodness, it’s quite unfair!

The school term came and went. The mental picture I had before the time was a windmill spinning at full velocity, and indeed that would be an accurate description of the past few months. A course on Bioethics is helping me think more theological about the complexity of any ethical decisions. A Systematics Theology Course has me inspired about our future life in eternity, not to mention the quality of the prof; it was a real privilege to be in class under him. A third practical class with the Navigators on campus – lots of fun and I got to share life with many wonderful students J And a fourth weekend class to discern my future… I still don’t know what I am going to do next, but there is time to decide.

Another very exciting adventure has begun, with a guy. I am so thankful for Colin; he is a gift! It’s kind of strange to write about something so personal on the internet, but very generally: he is amazing, we really enjoy spending time together, we’re on a journey and our guide is the Lord, and we shall see where He takes us J I can say that this is one of the most beautiful seasons. I can hardly believe it is mine to live!

Summer jobs are another cause for celebration. I worked at Spring School and really enjoyed meeting the new students, hosting coffee times, as well as the administration involved beforehand. International students are now allowed to work off campus and the timing is perfect: I was granted an innkeeper position at a Bed & Breakfast for the rest of the summer. #dreamscomingtrue . I have dreamed of owning my own B&B in the future! Needless to say, I love the work, and this is just the beginning.

What more can I say? Not all is sunshine and roses. We were saddened by the passing of a dear friend and a friend’s mom earlier this year. Life really seems to be a mixture of laughter and tears. While we live it, we will hold fast to the One who grants hope and life and freedom. He is here and He is enough.

Airport Thoughts

What a gift to have been able to fly home for the holidays! Here are some random thoughts along the way. I like travelling. In fact, I don’t even mind the long layovers between flights. Of course if it were possible to teleport I’d avoid airports altogether, but there’s something about the long journey that is of value. Kind of gives you a chance to end off one chapter and begin another. And travel grants the space to think, if you will allow it.

Aeroplanes have a weird culture of their own. If you’re flying alone, it’s a guessing game as to who will be next to you on the plane. Someone you’ve never seen before, and then you get to know them pretty well. I mean, their sleepy face, and what they like to eat or drink, and whether or not they snore. If you’re lucky, they might even fall asleep on your shoulder! For the most part on this trip home I’ve had great neighbours. A lady from Estonia (I didn’t even know there was a country like that!) and a South African student returning home after a visit to the UK. And now a fellow Canadian student from Botswana. We both had a long layover and so we shared coffee at the airport… surprise: an instant friend! Our stories merge for a few hours, and I discover again that people are perhaps the most interesting part of travel (and life in general).

There are more things of interest. Here’s an extract from my journal on the way to South Africa: “I have been struck by the individualism and consumerism so prevalent on planes and in airports and in life. I am flying alone, across the world on a “whim.”  I choose my movie, maybe never speaking to the person next to me. Even duty-free goods sold on the plane! The airports are so lined with exotic goods at exorbitant prices. Maybe we’re getting over gender and racial divides, but money is a huge factor for discrimination… Sucks you in and spits you out. Pride in the veins, If they had pride-detector x-ray machines we would all have splitting headaches from their constant screaming. Pappa, I’m sorry I’m so proud! I’m sorry we’re so arrogant. We wouldn’t recognise you if you came to us today…” Sweet will be the day when we really get it, when we really see that all humans are equally astounding, when our arms are open to embrace the very “least,” and when our hearts are able to learn from the very unexpected.

What else can I say? I like the sounds of different languages and accents you come across in an airport. I like focusing on one thing and seeing how different they are, for example people’s shoes or the shapes of their noses. I like imagining stories about the people I see… why they’re late and now running to catch their flight, who they’re going to visit and where, or what they love in life. To know all of this would be absolutely overwhelming. But a cup of Mocha with one random person today was a gift. I hope she thought so too.

 

 

Sunny Sunday Afternoon...

It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon on a 25-hour day (thanks to daylight savings!) and it feels like near bliss. The past few weeks have been quite crazy, with schoolwork and racing towards deadlines. My course load this term is a bit heavier, and there are other activities outside of school going on that I am really glad to be part of. It all makes it fly by rather quickly though. That’s why I’m grateful for a sunny Sunday afternoon and the sound of birds and the vibrant colours of fall and the smell of banana bread in the oven.

Part of the excitement this past week was celebrating my birthday. I love birthdays! It’s a time of year when I reflect on the friendships in my life and I am almost overwhelmed! I celebrated a Moroccan lunch with friends last weekend, and had chai tea and chocolate cake with more friends from school. I loved reading messages from everyone back in SA, and I’m getting super excited to visit over Christmas.

I’ve recently come across a few quotes I thought I’d share:

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all” - Oscar Wilde

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle” - Albert Einstein

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter” - E.E. Cummings

“Earth's crammed with heaven... but only he who sees, takes off his shoes” - Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Aurora Leigh

 “True beauty springs from the heart and dwells in the eyes” - Judith McNaught

One year in

Wow - It’s been a year! August 21^st marked a year in Vancouver, and it feels as though it has gone so quickly, although a whole lot has happened. Recently I volunteered to be part of a panel of students who were part of the orientation for new international students. We were asked a number of questions and I have found reflecting on these to be quite helpful in putting words to my experience so very far away from South Africa.

One thing I found quite challenging was that I was always comparing every experience to South Africa… we would say this or do it like that in South Africa. I soon realised that of course I was comparing it to SA – it’s the only frame of reference I have. Apart from the occasional holiday or outreach, I had lived my whole life in SA before coming here. I’ve learnt to embrace and to share the memories or different ways of doing things. In coming here I’ve also realised how much Afrikaans terminology I borrow on a daily basis. There just isn’t a suitable English equivalent to saying I’m lus for something, or gooi when referring to cooking. And the English versions of lekker slap or slim koppie just don’t cut it!

I was asked how I have dealt with homesickness… In the very beginning I was too excited to explore and discover that I didn’t have much chance to be homesick. Over the spring/summer (May-August) things have slowed down a little and I have had more time to think about home and miss people and places. I think it’s normal, but I think about people in SA just about on a daily basis… ok not everyone every day, but often for sure. There really is a tension between engaging with people here and back in SA. God has answered my prayer before coming here – He made more space in my heart for more people. What I didn’t think before making friends here (and now it’s too late) is that wherever I live in the future I will be missing someone! One way I have coped with homesickness, apart from the odd email or facebook interactions, is by inviting people here into my SA experience – indulging in the memories, paging through photos, and I recently organised a braai with real boerewors! It was a.w.e.s.o.m.e!

What do I have to say on the academic expectations? The bottom line is “you can do it!” While it is a lot of work, and sometimes all at the same time – depending on deadlines, and how disciplined you are during the term – it’s not difficult. Challenging? Yes. Tedious? At times. But difficult? No. I guess the rainy weather helps when you have to read this huge textbook and write a 3000 word paper on some or other topic. In fact, I am very glad to have been forced to read some of those fat books… they are brilliant, but without a looming deadline, I would never get past the first 10 pages.

One word to summarise my experience so far? Invitation. My whole time here has been an invitation to grow in knowledge and relationships. It’s been an invitation to establish new habits and get rid of old ones. Yes, it’s been both scary and exciting, but it has to be or there is no place for faith. I am super excited to see what the next year could possibly hold :)

It’s been a while…

Summer has been awesome… and it’s not over yet! I really enjoy being a full-time holiday maker in between the busy terms of being a student! It’s been my first “Summer Holidays” and now I get why it is such a big deal in the movies. 4 months of “holidays”! Luckily I didn’t have all that time off… I would have gone quite crazy. I took 2 spring/summer courses, although they have a different feel about them, a bit more casual than the classes during term. Actually, I just finished the last exam for one today… now I am truly on holiday! I also was blessed with a job organizing summer activities and making new people feel welcome… a great way to meet people, keep busy over July especially, and earn some income.

But summer has also been about adventure! I have been able to do so many things! It probably started with a camping trip near Squamish to celebrate my one roommate’s birthday weekend. We spent a whole day by a gorgeous lake, and hiking. I also camped in a friend’s back yard near Victoria on Vancouver Island this past week! It’s such a beautiful city with flowers everywhere. Two friends and I explored downtown together, taking a ride in a water taxi, and eating ice cream on Fisherman’s Wharf. We stayed up suuuper late one night to watch the sky for shooting stars… and we saw quite a number as it was a meteor shower. Absolutely stunning!

Vancouver hosts a fireworks competition every year, and so on three evenings in July-August, we got to watch a spectacular show to music. There’s something great about hanging out on the beach with wonderful people! A week or two ago, I realised that I had spent 6 days in a row hanging out on the beach. That’s one great thing about this beautiful city.

I have missed home a lot (I now have two places I consider home) and think about friends and family daily. I realised a big mistake a bit too late… since moving to Canada, I am in a huge predicament, because wherever I live in the world from now on, I will be missing somebody special. At the moment I am looking forward to returning to SA for a visit… dates yet to be decided, but hopefully soon.

What else have I done this summer? I’ve learnt a new piano piece, and intend to start learning another one tomorrow. And sometime this week I will be painting my bedroom. Yes, purple! (Why not? J) I’ve been biking all over, and building jigsaw puzzles. I’ve baked a whole lot and picked blackberries. I’ve read many books and played songs on repeat for hours. The Lord has been good to me. And in response I will live fully and thank Him for each new day. I am so excited for where He is taking us next.

Mowing the Lawn

Our new housemate moves in tomorrow, and his chore will be to mow the lawn. It was kinda long already, so I decided to mow it today, so that he would not have to do it first thing upon moving in. I don’t have a lot of experience in this department. I might have pushed our mower two or three lengths as a child, but I probably got out of it most of the time as I do not really recall it. My dad was tasked with this chore, until my brother was old enough. Steven was born to be a gardener / farmer / outdoorsman. It’s in his blood. (That doesn’t exactly explain how it is not in my blood. I don’t even have one green finger.)

Mowing the lawn today was a brave decision, as my only memorable encounter with a lawn mower was not favourable. I was mowing College House lawn in 2005. The extension cable was not quite long enough. Actually, it was 2 extensions joined together, and in the furthest corner of the lawn, the cable would stretch to its ultimate length and the join would come undone. That was too much for a hot and sweaty teenager already in a bad mood. I don’t remember exactly, but somehow I became “garden leader,” and I think I delegated that task for the rest of the year.

Since moving here, I have been introduced (from a distance) to our neighbour’s wireless lawn mower. The sharp blades whir and somehow do the job. It seemed almost primitive compared to the electric versions I grew up with, but it is the more popular kind here. It worked alright, plus the lawns in Vancouver are much smaller than the gardens in the suburbs of South Africa. Not too long ago our house was spoiled with the gift of an electric lawnmower from a nearby neighbour who was moving away. Haha, leagues ahead of any old-fashioned mowing machine!

With the determination to replace a bad mowing memory, and a brand new extension that could reach even further than the edges of our lawn, I set about it. You would think a left-brained person would have a plan and a rectilinear grid for going about it, but alas, my approach was more like a sine-curve art-piece than a straight line. That’s alright, I told myself, the job is being done, and I have the pleasure of massacring the remaining dandelions in the process! All was going well until I mowed, not the lawn, but the cable. It was the absolute worst thing that could happen. Just before beginning, I had made a joking comment about trying not to mow the cable. What a disaster! I tried not to get mad at myself, but eventually dissolved into tears in front of my empathetic house mates. I’m ok now. Sometimes a good cry clears my perspective and I can see how it’s not the worst thing in the world. I actually finished the rest of the lawn with another cable – it’s patchy but I did it. Needless to say, after today, the lawn mower and I have agreed to disagree.

A new love, a new evil

Spring in Vancouver has been an adventure so far! One thing I really appreciate about this city is that there are four distinct seasons. With the change of seasons come some changes in routine. For example, I’ve survived 24 days on a bike in Vancouver! Because I’m not registered for enough credits in Spring, I don’t have a bus pass for the months of May & June. How incredible that my friend who is away for the Summer, offered to lend me her bike! It has special memories - her mom used to ride it when she was about our age J It has a basket in front, and I’ve added a colourful bell that I’ve named Sunshine. Sometimes I chat to Sunshine; other times Sunshine has witnessed me laugh with glee as I speed downhill. I always used to say I enjoy cycling… downhill! Conversely, the up-hills have become an enemy to conquer. I notice the rise in difficulty with even the slightest incline.  And then when I get home I somehow have to get back up the stairs…What really helped was the day I discovered the gears! On Wednesday I decided to go grocery shopping by bike. I got home alive, although I would not go so far as to say safely. Note to self: remember a backpack next time! It will save you from overloading the front basket and endangering the steering. That’s a slightly exaggerated peek into life on a bike. I am truly grateful for it, for the fresh air, and the exercise.

Speaking of fresh air, I’ve spent a lot of time in our garden lately. I used to feel like a day of gardening would be such a waste of a day (which is why my mom was so surprised when she heard what I’d been doing.) I have a new appreciation of creation and matter and physical things since taking a few classes at Regent. These things matter! I actually really enjoyed a whole day outside. Most of it was weeding with one of my house mates. I’ve found that with this new-found appreciation of gardening comes a new evil: dandelions! Pretty and fun to blow - yes, but they will infest any patch of ground, and they’re so difficult to get rid of. If I ever decide to chop their heads off again before they open, I’ll take care to chuck them away carefully… I didn’t last time, and they opened anyway!

One more delight in this season is that it’s light out late. The sky eventually darkens just after 9pm. There is something poetic about summer days stretching on endlessly. There’s room to breathe deeply and sigh with content. It throws my bedtime a bit, making for very short “evenings,” but why not? I’ll take every minute of daylight nature offers.